Daewoo Tico II

Daewoo Tico to jedyny samochód,
który jest dokładnie taki,
jak jego nazwa.

Haiku o Tiku

Stoi Tico
rdza
i zniko

Pierwsza jazda testowa Rolls Roycem Cullinanem (chyba)

* Wyjaśnienie - tak eleganckie i wykwintne auto jak Rolls Royce oczywiście nigdy nie powinno być dostępne dla dziennikarzy. Dlatego, wyjątkowo, musiałem je kupić na własność. Jak? To proste.Złożyłem wniosek o rejestrację banku i, uwiarygadniając się nieistniejącym jeszcze bankiem,założyłem drugi bank. W tym banku zrobiłem parę rzeczy typowych dla banków,i bang - nagle mam setki tysięcy milionów dolarów. Mogłem pomyśleć o tym wcześniej.
Ale do rzeczy.

Oto stoi przede mną pierwsze terenowe auto marki Rolls Royce.

Jeśli pytasz o cenę, nie powinieneś mieć Rolls Royce'a.
Jeśli pytasz o osiągi, nie powinieneś mieć Rolls Royce'a.
Jeśli chcesz mieć porządny wóz, możesz kupić doposażoną Kię.
Po co więc komukolwiek Rolls Royce Cullinan?

Zobaczmy.

Cullinan nie jest Mini
Jest wielki, ale nie tak, jak Mini.
Mini jest wielkie duchem.
Cullinan jest wielki, bo nie docinali blachy.
Po prostu zrobili go z całej, jaka była na zakładzie.
Ach, ten klimat ręcznej, spontanicznej produkcji...
Za to my, ludzie z klasą (czyli z pieniędzmi), cenimy brytyjskie marki.
Czy tam niemieckie.

Rozważam zakup jakiegoś dodatkowego, mniejszego Rolls Royce'a,
by poruszać się między przodem a tyłem tego wozu.
Mój kamerdyner mówił, że istnieją takie małe Rollsy.
Od czasu numeru z bankami prawie codziennie zatrudniam
dodatkową osobę do służby. Wiecie, teoria skapywania bogactwa.
No i można się czasem dopytać, ile kosztują teraz małe samochody.

Cullinan nie jest luksusowy
Luksusowe jest to, co jest zbędne i niepraktyczne.
Tylko ktoś ubogi potrzebuje rzeczy trwałych.
Wielcy artystokraci zamawiali wspaniałe dzieła sztuki
dla beki i zaraz o nich zapominali, budowali całe
pałace dla kaprysu. Dopiero my, pokolenia bez środków do wystawnego życia,
trzęsiemy się i cackamy z całym tym muzealnym dziedzictwem.
Hrabia zamówił sobie portret kochanki i zapłacił drobniakami
ze spodni, a teraz trzy ministerstwa nie są w stanie uzbierać
na konserwację tego arcydzieła.

W nowym Cullinanie widać wyłącznie biedacką zapobiegliwość.
Nowy Rolls ma podniesione zawieszenie,
by się nie daj Boże coś nie połamało, bo kogo panie stać na ASO.
Nowy Rolls ma dwa dodatkowe fotele z tyłu,
bo przecież skąd właściciel ma wziąć pieniądze
na przewiezienie piątego i szóstego pasażera?

Aż przykro myśleć, ale nowy Rolls będzie pewnie bezawaryjny
i stanie się autem na dziesięciolecia, zanudząc właściciela.
Biedak zmieni w tym czasie czternaście Dacii
i chociaż coś przeżyje,a bogacz będzie katował Rolls Royce'a,
nie mając sensownego powodu, by zmienić samochód.
Dyskretny koszmar burżuazji.

Cullinan nie jest dokończony
Myślą o naturze człowieka i naturze luksusu,
zrozumiałem, że idea Cullinana po prostu nie jest
doprowadzona do końca. Projektanci zasugerowali się
podobieństwem do innych terenówek,
a samochód tej klasy nie musi być podobny do niczego.

Mój pomysł na terenowego Rolls Royce'a:
kierowca siedzi w komorze silnika, tak,
jak w czasach przed Marksem i Engelsem,
a pasażer siedzi na pojedynczym fotelu w sali zwanej wnętrzem.
Na zewnętrznym stopniu przy drzwiach podróżuje służący.
Ewentualny drugi pasażer niech sobie kupi swojego Cullinana.
Proste? Jeśli jest się właścicielem banku, to tak.

Cullinan nie jeździ
Jeździć można autobusem. Do Rolls Royce'a się wchodzi,
przez chwilę za szybami widać bezgłośny ruch,
i nagle wychodzisz w nowym miejscu.
Oczywiście, eleganckim i z dobrą pogodą.
Tak powinno wyglądać poruszanie się
autem prawdziwie luksusowym.

Cullinan nie nadaje się do testów
Nie mogę podać jego osiągów, bo to niestosowne.
Nie mogę podać jego ceny, bo to niestosowne.
Mógłbym napisać, jak się siedzi za kierownicą,
ale to bez sensu, skoro to nie auto dla kierowców, tylko pasażerów.

Mógłbym napisać, jak siedzi się we wnętrzu, ale... nie pamiętam.
Zwyczajnie. Zwyczajnie, czyli tak samo, jak w moim zamku,
jak w apartamencie w Monaco, albo w domu nad morzem w Grecji.
Uspokajający, obezwładniający komfort,
niwelujący jakiekolwiek troski ziemskiej egzystencji. Czyli jak wszędzie.

Dla osoby, którą stać na Cullinana, Cullinan będzie normalny.
Nic specjalnego. A jak niby inaczej miałby wyglądać
i działać ultrahiperwyrafinowy supersamochód terenowy?

Dlatego od strony motoryzacyjnej nie ma tu wiele do opowiadania.
Taki samochód ma najwięcej sensu, gdy stoi.
Gdy go komuś pokazujesz, albo gdy z niego wysiadasz
krokiem Kolumba obejmującego we władanie Amerykę.

Cullinan nie jest dla Ciebie
Skąd to wiem? Bo jeśli dysponujesz tego rodzaju pieniędzmi,
to masz oddzielnego pracownika do czytania artykułów motoryzacyjnych.
Jak sądziłeś, dlaczego rezydencje bogaczy są tak duże?
To po to, by pomieścić personel od wszystkiego.
Sam bogacz zajmuje najwyżej jeden pokój,
w którym cały dzień nicnierobi.

Albo śpi w samochodzie z braku miejsca w pałacu,
co jest kolejnym powodem, by kupić auto wielkości Cullinana.

Zresztą, ten tekst też pisał za mnie pracownik.


Prawdziwa nazwa tego samochodu to nie Cullinan. To Capitalism:
dużo możliwości, duże nierówności,
a każda zaleta może być odczytana jako wada
zależnie od tego, z której strony karoserii jesteś.

I tak to się toczy to życie na wyżynach społecznych.

Brand gang

When the money's over... you still can sell the reputation.

Amidst dust of crisis, bailout storms and financial tsunami, strange things happen. It may be, that some of the mots glorious automakers will try to earn a tremendous without really tremendous work (or, not working at all).

Koenigsegg Agera is a much awaited successor of CC model lineup. Yet, this succesor is none of success as there seem to be nothing to await. It's just an old CC with softened light design. Such liftings are made constantly by most manufacturers without announcing „a whole new model”. Why would we believe Mr Koenigsegg, then? It just doesn't look right, to pay the new price for an old car — and this is the situation we meet here.

From the Antisweden (San Cesario sul Panaro, specifically) comes the next supercar of 2010. Automobili Pagani from depths of Italy is readying a new sportsrocket now. Again, it will be extremely powerful and extremely rapid. Again, this revelation is only a rejuvenation. Mimicking Agera's case, the new Pagani appears to be an old Zonda car with a small design retouch. Not too good, considering 6-digit price tag.

Of course, there's nothing wrong with redesigning an old scheme; such updates are normal not only in motoring business. It's only a bit faux pas, when you make an update, praising (and pricing) it's not.

Ronin LFA

The new Lexus is like an ancient japanese warrior without a lord. Powerful, prepared, but with a desperate lack of purpose.

Millions have waited for the Lexus's real sportscar, while the luxurious (and lexurious) coupes SC300 and SC430 didn't fullfill anybody's expectations. They were comfortable, but boring — an unforgivable disadvantage for anything engined.

Years went by; the superlexus finaly has gone into the flesh. And what? It does not fulfill, it does not disappoint. Who will buy it, then? It's not an easy question.

The new LFA model is extremely expensive, but not really pretty nor original. It does a lot of things brilliantly while not having any records or peculiarities. It looks like a heavily tuned Toyota coupe — but its quality level forces us to compare it to the best of the best. This Lexus could rival anything, but it's hard make specific choice, what. And why.

Japanese cars use complicated production formulas and complicated engines. In this one, though, the most mind-gobbling part is a primary concept. It's a car hard to describe. Perhaps, it'll find buyers, that are hard to describe. In a 7-billion society, there must be some lonely and abandoned LFA-men.

Mercedes SL$

It's not the oil, or hydrogen, nor steam. The most opulent automobiles are money-powered.
With retro cars, you ave always the same problem — how to write brilliantly about something, that was fully described dozens eons ago? When the point of a car is to honour the old one, the old one is the only important. You can test drive a Ford GT from 2003, you can even make a photo. But the truth is, there's no real car on it. It's only a shadow — of old GT40 from 1966 LeMans, of raw 60s design
— and nowadays greed.

With the new 2010 SLS model, Mercedes-Benz took this paradigm
to the highest level ever, copying not only their evergreen SL Gullwing racer, but the modern Merecdes sportscar, too.
As the high-tech should stay, as well as safety and ride quality, it's no racer and no 60s-style. And when the SLR engineering was ready and still fresh, the wise accountants had to do only one thing. And they did it.

As a matter of a fact, the new SLS is only an old-and-sold SLR.
It is clear to see, that with the slightly new (and retro) design they will sell the same car twice.

They say, that cars are not meanings of transport — that there's some spirit of freedom and enterprise in it. Yeah. We have an strict conclusion now — a car that is only a name and a price-tag, both equally impressive, but idle.

McLaren F-Word

We're only in it for money.

To build the second McLaren supercar, is the most fascinating and aspiring task in motorization since... the first McLaren supercar. The ever famous Macca F1 is „the most” in everything, and covers more 12-year old' walls than most superwomen of its era. Most, most, most. That's, what is it.

Now, we have what we wanted. Somebody tried it to repeat the sucess of F1' legend. Since a few days, we can buy our own MCLaren again. But should we?

From the first sight, you see nothing special. But wait! From the second, it's obvious, that:
• it looks like the old Ferrari 430, Lotus Evora and Tesla Roadster (so – it's uglier than any of them apart),
• it has obvious, asian interior,
• it has obvious, sporty engine
It's clear then, that the new MP4-12C tries to simulate old F1 style, but not the old approach. It's a simulacrum — a car, that exist only because of it's predecessor. It would be bought only by stupid people or romantics, that had no money for real F1 in 1998.

All cars made only for money are a disgrace. When such a brilliant design and engineering idea (such as an original F1) is raped in such a way, a F-word is an only proper comment.

Nothing was more looked forward to than a MacLaren F1' successor. Such a tense would be every businessman' dream. Now, we know it was all and only dreams. It is a McDonalds MP4-12C, a fast car for fast-food people.

Japanese is the new italian.

Two million years ago there was only one way to make a car look. You took it to someone, whose surname ended with „-ini”.

Those slim people with slim moustaches and good shirts made their „disegno” magick and you could just stare and admire – from an steel-nad rubber piece of nothing, a true beauty emerged.

It worked, worked and worked for years. And stopped. Suddenly you realise, that some of the greatest italian cars are made by Germans, Dutch or someone from Nintendo country. Mercedes has gone round, BMW has gone weird, Audi has not gone anywhere. Italians have always a good escape – they can capitalize on their heritage, selling retro design for anyone nostalgic.

And Ferrari, Ferrari did something else. They jump into the future. Sadly, the japanese one.

The new Ferrari 458 Italia looks like it came from a video game. Origami shaped, ridiculously exhausted, it has nothing to do with prancing horse's past. Weird looking front lights clears the way for the future and culture, that is something new here, in Old Europe.

It could be the new Honda NSX and nobody would tell. Where are the days, when it's the Honda, who steals the design (apparently, the first NSX was somewhat borrowed)?

The Italia (the name is the most appeninian part of this car) will be fast, striking, eye-catching and very popular. Is it enough to be a real Ferrari?
In this decade, yes. For the first time ever, the amount of virtual activities outnumbers the real ones. When even sexual intercourse went 2.0, the supercars just follow.

Prancing dragon instead of a horse? It's even a Pokemon, maybe. But every generation has a Ferrari, that it deserves.

Spirit of Enterprise.

Geely GE is not a joke.
Beware, bored, white, educated men!

Being obviously inspirated from the West's best, this amazingly ugly car comes from a beautiful idea.

It was made few times, and as historians teach, will work again anytime. You learn by copying – this is a winner's idea.

Following a master belongs to the spirit of eastern wisdom. When you want to be clever, you go into mountains and find a clever person. When you want to make good cars, you go to Frankfurt and act exactly like people you'll find there. Easy?

Not for the Rolls Royce. They shout, they sue, they chant about law violation. Only one law is violated here, and it's the merciless evolution rule. If RR want to survive, there's no point in complaining about naughty copycats. They must shoot them instead.

One does not win because a car is made with golden tools and it's made 3 weeks each. Fast, doubtless and agile – these are winner's features. Remember dinosaurs? They were Rolls Royces of their time. Now, only a phantom remains.

You conquer what you copy – and Chinese copy only to conquer.

Gullshit.

How to tell Mercedes sportscar from a Ford one? From now on, only by their past.
When petrolheads of world wait for the new Benz wunderwaffe, moaning are those with heads filled with something more.

Following the fashion, we're teased with numerous masked or stylized images, that strips more and more camouflage, as we're getting closer to grande entrée. The long awaited, mysterious and mythical supercar – a successor of the mighty Gullwing SL classic - is about to emerge soon.

Now, we can admire its interior. The problem is, there is nothing you can admire there. Apart from quality - which will be probably brilliant (what means normal in this price range) - it loooks like most of the american dull, symetrical and plastic designs. It's definitely not, what word heritage what invented for.

Mercedes SLR, which is now the fastest and most crazy Benz, had this problem too – what you could find inside, was amazingly similar to Daewoo Matiz concept designs. Which is just a hour of vomiting. The SLS design is, in similar way, full of modern, PVC Ford Mustang. It's a crisis, really.

A new dream car? It's more to wail than wait for.
_______________________________________

Green is good.

Ruf in a jungle.
There's only one thing more difficult than making a cool eco car – it is to tune a Porsche well. Ruf has never managed any of this - but now it does. Brilliantly.

Greenster it is called – and you can't get more trendy and candy than that. Started as a eRuf project year ago, an electric Porsche concept was a crazy idea. It worked, though, and numbers are impressive: 270 kW and insane 695 lb-ft of torque means, that it's not your mother's Prius anymore. It's a nice 5 seconds and 250 of you probably know what.

Supercars are all about excitement and standing out – with a Greenster, both come as standard. In a jungle of Ferraris, crappy tuned 911s and carbon dioxide, Ruf has done something amazing: a wonderful electric car.

Of course, we have Tesla. It has nice name, but it looks a bit japanese and lacks heritage. Ruf Porsche lacks nothing – it's very original, futuristic and fast. At the same time, it's suprisingly good looking.

Even with standard equipment it would be a looker. Instead of adding ridiculous spoilers and gay painting (as other tuners do) they looked into the Zuffenhausen history. Greenster revives some old stylings, as the checked upholstery and old-fashioned folded roof. It's not only retro – it looks simply good. Sehr gut, herr Ruf!

Most electric cars looks and works like noone really believes that they'll be in everyday use some day. It's not a problem with Ruf's 911. It is not strange, it is well developed, it is great looking and prepared to real world.

It's brave. It's good.

Ex-luxurious

Are there two high-ends in motoring,
and is one smaller than the other?

It seeems that the four-wheeled king of Monaco
and Côte d'Azure has cloned himself into a dwarf-sized...
king of Monaco and Côte d'Azure?

When you've established yourself as a top-class manufacturer, it may be awkward to define, what is the smaller, cheaper thing that you've started selling. Rolls-Royce never offered a wide range, since the top of a class is, indeed, not wider than 5-7 meters place.
So, what's the matter with the new RR 200EX?

It may be a name – quite not RR, with a electronic smell – a definite good-bye to aerial, spiritual heritage of clouds, spirits and phantoms. A cloud is „Wolke” in german; enough said.

It may be size itself; how you can think of a top offer, a highest level possible, when you constantly see a bigger, costier Rolls in the background? The 200EX is not a real baby, yet. The so called „small” RR is still a a huge car, galactically priced and mind-blowing luxurious. So, having such a choice, why would you buy the smaller, cloned one?

There might have some points been made, but there haven't been. It's not a new styling, it's not a new charme, usability or a feel. The new Rolls adds nothing to the brand, just diminishes it a bit. They just reduced Phantom, and lexused name. In the world of Bentley, Maserati and a few other, quite developed brands, how you can judge an idea of reduced Rolls-Royce?

That does not predict good; the new car's back reminds of a Skoda station wagon, or a Bentley (which is a same disgrace in this case).

This car may have w thousand of airbags and three Intels inside; th problem is with the whole idea; and when the idea of small Rolls Royce is found not so nice, it's hard to make a nice car of it.

Where's the spirit?

Subconscious and safety.

What Pamela Anderson proved, roundings are preferred. It is a problem, when you're good at making cars of boxes.

Roundness is good, preaches the Gospel of Soap-shaped Car. It evokes something that people inexplicable like, it brings calmness and nice feeling. Such a revelation must have been something there, at North Pole Cars.

When idea of having a nice time got to Swedes in Volvo, it crushed them. The square car seemed no longer attractive, and some circle-tricks must have been done. Yet, the power of old, safety-and-reason image was no to neglect; apart from marketing mumbo-jumbo, it always have translated into real, reasonable money, and the safe profit for Volvo.

How to make the new cars angular and round at the same time? It's a problem, that can freeze imagination for a while. Considering a fact, that it would be a serious dichotomy, Swedes went Freud.

They made a car, that is perceived different, than it really looks. The new Volvo XC60 is a car, that exist half in reality, and half - only in your mind. You look at rounded, asian-styled car - something completely bald and quite not beautiful. Yet, as a proper human with a memory, you recall all hardcore Volvo ubersafety models, that made their name - deeply from where dreams, complexes and commercial brand images, put there by a clever and very bad scientists, lie.

It's a trick, that make impossible affordable – you can buy a trendy, posh vehicle, which is in same time stable - and sexy - as a glacier. The only problem is, to get a good psychotherapist, when it comes to change a wheel.

Do electric cars dream of V8 engines?

Is it OK to be the full-electric sportscar? Yes.
It's even more cool than any of the compromise-based hybrids or diesel racers, which are made only in fear of getting an anti-eco image. It's seems silly, what are all these fun cars used for. Driving for fun can not and will not ever be ecological. Sitting on the sofa and reading Thoreau is.

Eco-sportscar is just a oxymoron.
But it's a bit less of it, when your're driving a full electric vehicle - one must admit it.

Tesla Roadster is first of them and, apart from amazingly bland styling, it's rather nice. Light, agile and, thank to electric motor, nearly completely silent – it's really something new and fresh. Tesla's very near production now, and car shows are full of gossip. And suddenly, the Germans came and spoiled it all. It is called - „der tuning”.

You know this phenomenon of internet articels comment race, where „I'm first” is a goal? Nevermind being an idiot and write whatever - the Number One Comment is more than that.

Now, the Brabus company acted likewise, claimed the „first electric car tuning” to be presented in Essen. Like in the internet, the „first” doesn't mean good, and does mean gay for sure.

They did to Tesla nearly nothing - which is the hottest trend in tuning nowadays. What they did apart from that, is probably the most miserable action in german car industry for years.

The show car was equipped in „Space sound generator”, which can simulate different sound effects (which lacks, of course, in electric powered Roadster), depending on engine activity. Running a variety of options, this ultimate gay device evokes even a V8 engine! It is not as pathethic as that – if you're more Star Trek than Stars'n'Stripes, the Beam and Warp sound options are to use.

This is probably the most awkward, weak, stupid and pointless machine ever made, and Brabus must be out of its mind. Are the able to imagine anything, what is not V8 Mercedes? the Tesla example proved contrary.

A merciful silence is the only good answer for that - any words would just not do confronting with such a monstrous lack of style.

When one has nothing to say, it's better to stay silent. Exactly like Brabus didn't do.

Gran Truffo

To sell a car and not to make it.

The wonder of capitalism is an ability of selling a piece of melted coal in a price of a, err, diamond. As Brigate Rosse aren't in fashion anymore, Italians are learning this skill rapidly.

Is to be seen in the way the make the 3200GT' successor. Maserati 3200 GT was a nice, stylish car with beautiful rear lights (what made them soon to fade out from budget) - well thought over, successful, italian version of Aston Martin. It was the first modern-looking Maserati after the edgy, Biturbo-style models. This car raised the marque from the dust.

The new Quattroporte followed this fashion, but then, a time for a change came. The new Maserati named, how creative, Gran Turismo (frankly, the previous one hadn't the original name, too) is fighting with 911 flood now.

After paying Italdesign for 3200 concept, they decided to make it in-house - and profitable. How? They simply cut a half from a production Quattroporte and stick a few badly manufactured bits from its 2005 Birdcage concept.

Is that so easy? Yes - the accountant smiles. And while the mechanics were ready and style is borrowed, costs were about 1 centimeter low.

La dolce vita? Rather a Vitelloni.

Xtra Fail

„Doing something” is not „doing anything”.

In most cases, the new car lineup arises form the marketing and business research. The wise men with PowerPoint check, survey and waste a lot of money so that they can claim at the end of a year: we need a design revolution. Or: we need to make new Ford Ka.
It's likewise nearly everywhere - apart from Jaguar.

In Coventry, they made a new car only on occasion of bankruptcy.

It's usual for this brand to make a XJ saloon; it seems it's the only thing they like to do. They would produce the Mark I up to nowadays if they hadn't gone off a few times since 1970.

But they did. They were sold, bought and sold a number of times, what (following the aformentioned scheme) gave the birth to a „striking design renewals”:
• XJS coupe, which only ten people in the world were attracted to,
• S-Type, a model that made it a bit, but Clarkson degraded it with his mouth
• X-Type - a new definition of style, business and dignity failure
and the strange new - yes, yes - XJ saloon, which is not a futuristic thing at all. Did they used their brain or PowerPoint people, then? No, they picked the old XJ and stretched it on the S-Klasse chassis blueprint, making it „properly spacious”. And unproperly pathetic.

We got the four good reasons to fire up a big, new change before the cat mark will be sold again - and what we see is Jaguar XF.
Simply, they repeated the XJ trick: they borrowed a bland Lexus shape, gayed up the logo with 3D chrome style and mixed Audi A8-Lexus SC430 interiors inside. Haven't I missed the front grille, taken, without anasthetic, from Bentley GT?

Someone should tell the Jag people that colonial era has gone, and international theft is not OK anymore. It's not effective, too.

Revolution? well, we'll wait for the next one.

Golf Not-Plus

This is why VW constantly makes its Golf evergreen more and more minivan-like - they just want to sell a normally shaped car as a sporty one.

Is the new Sirocco a real sportscar?

It's not a coupe, as well the 3-door Honda Civic is not. Being two-door does not make you sporty, which is a knowledge not unfamiliar to any tractor driver. It doesn't follow any of core sportscar values as it has normal proportions, usability and engines. It's not hardcore styled, too. Where's the point, then?

The advantage of Sirocco is his older brother, the ever motoring standard, Golf. You will always look at a new Sirocco and think: "this is much nicer than a V or VI!". The Sirocco does not look sporty - but it starts to, when compared to Golf. Nor it's really fast- but the Golf is slower. German bestseller is more spatious, plumpy and it's aimed at really boring people. This makes the shorter and lower of this car as follows: good-looking, agile, fast and cool, what youth will like.

Golf has become a uglier and more responsible of two brothers, then: fatter, slower and less brilliant, he simply carries the worse half of genes. But when it comes to a family questions, he ranks up.

It's as in real life: you date the the most beautiful, but will marry the wise one.

Lotus Erzac

When you have no idea, do not boast of it.

It is to be found completely normal, that noone is brilliant evertime you ask. Even a Leonardo must sleep and watch TV sometimes, and great ideas do not grow on trees. There is no reason to panic. The problem starts, when you want to pretend that you have a concept of something and not want to believe, that everyone notices your cheating.

We do not follow any moral codex, that forces anybody to be creative. We should not demand nothing, that overs skills of normal, average human being - and we don't (except for Olympic Games).

You may not be hihly gifted, you may not build your own mobile phone and a fuel-cell car, as well as your house heating. You just do what you're good at, you collect your salary and bouy things you need. Buy them - not make them, not create them nor even repair. It's just so easy, our modern, categorised, easy world.

So, why? Why Lotus did it?
- why didn't they admit, that they're not the fanciest car designers on planet?
- was that so hard to draw consequences from Esprit stunning success - the car, that Italians styled for them?
- was Lotus Europa - one the most miserable sportscars of our era - not a warning? It's a car, that could kill with boredom.

- why in-house Lotus people styled the Evora? Being a great, great engineer will not help to make impressive car shape, really.

- was it inevitable to mess with a name? What does Evora stands for? Evaporation? We can only hope it does.

In a short: is there any problem to hire good car designer, that will style that, what you engineered? Lotus' Evora chassis design is extremely boring, similar to nearly every poor japanese sportscar; it lacks personality, nationality and guts. As it can be a great ride and clever mechanics, none of such is to be seen.

When you're good at something, stick with that. With the new Evora, Lotus did not.
It seems, that only experience comes with time going by - not widsom.

BMW Seven And A Half

The new BMW 7-series came into being only to prove ultimately, that the previous one was beautiful.

The proof is executed perfectly, thus raises no doubts. Trying to sell this proof may be another thing.

It's not only Chris Bangle, the Bayerische Chief Designer has proven that something uglier than E65 Seven can be made easily (it does not mean that the E65 is ugly at all!); accidentally, he showed the weaknesses of the way he choose. Now, it's more clear than ever, that BMW cannot build an Audi.
By saying „Audi”, I mean calm, reliable car with no kitsch and no originality at all. It's big and quite fat – but it's the good student's fatness. The one, who doesn't spend all his money on drinking and does not leave the physical education lessons – so that he can gain some healthy weight. Health, that's a good word. Audi is a german form of physical and mental health. It's none of BMW's racing small penis's complex nor Mercedes's uberwagen small penis's complex. Audi are not hysterically fast and provocative, as well as they repudiate any links to Benz' „in-your-face” factor. It's very good and clients from all over the world appreciate that. But only when Audi is doing this. When BMW tries such a figure, it remains of things, that drunk people do to prove that they're completely sober. Imagine this – a BMW car, shaking, trying to say: „I'm a completely normal, west european car, good for commuting, for CEOs and aging managers; I even have cruise control”.

It sounds completely wrong. It's gemutlichkeit gone wrong. And it's a lie.

All the well-designed BMW can only say is „get off my lane, you family doctor-driven, boring A8!”, eventually „get off my lane, you rectum surgeon-driven lame S-Class!”. Some of them may know the phrase „who is this young idiot who bought me? More fuel, more money!”, too. That's all. Period.
And now, we have the biggest, most prestigeous that is built to be lame and boring. It's a situation we never had before. What does this big, chromed grill is supposed to mean? That it's reliable? It's good for bearded people who like brown colour – and they will never buy a BMW.
Or will they? OK, there's some point in stealing someone's market. When BMW is making a big, cocky car it may happen that some of previously MB owners will change they minds in favor of Munich rather than Stuttgart. The story continues, when they will make completely bland car – this time, the Audi owners will be attracted. It sounds nice, but is not nice at all. With all that market wars, where will the proper BMW buyers end up? With bland Audis, vain Mercs, and the third, the most sport manufacturer loosing its genre and copying them all?
OK, maybe it's another Bangle's work of genius. It was the same story with the first of his 7 Series; everyone hated it when it came, and nearly everyone bought it. It overtook MB on US market. A month ago, they did it again. We have a new biggest BMW, and noone likes it really. It's not so audish like Audi nor it's benzisch like Benz. Bangle got us: he proved, that there is definitely no point in trying to make something you're not best at. He made a shocker with his first Seven. Now, the Seven shocks again – because it's completely unscandalous, and that's not what this car should be. Are we joked, or misled only? As the history of Bangle's designs shows, time and sales will show.

Super

Škoda is a common sense of VW Group. While VWs are getting Audi, Audis are getting BMW, Lamborghinis are getting Audi (too), Bentleys are going VW and Seat went Alfa years ago (what a mask parade!), it looks that they've lost all realpolitik sense. However, there's an exception in this disguise farce, as Škoda Auto doesn't follow the leader at all.
What they do, is making the most clever cars in Europe. It may not make them pretty, though. Making a Felicia was the best thing to warm up the old business; very cheap and quite well germanised, ie helped to put the old one from knees and start to think about something, well, two epochs more modern. Of course, they were no madmen; no Rolls competitor came. What did come, was the extremely intelligent and practical Octavia, a Golf for those who think and count. Cheaper, Golf-based, bigger and not so unbearably tuneable – again, it as the best what they could do, while we remember not so easy situation of being the ever-doomed Cheap Brand Of VW.
The Roomster was a bewilderment, then. More futuristuc than any of Lambos or Seats (The Sports Brands Of VW), it carries the torch of progress and avant-garde in the small, warm world of grey cars. It one of the most original cars of our times, and noone spots this – because it's a „Škoda”, what both in english and german means „nothing, driven by my romanian plumber”. It's a van Gogh of VW cars – unusual, skillful and totally unnoticed. Nevertheless, after the crazy genius Gauguin came; and he was, as we all know, a stock broker. A clever one.
The new Skoda Superb is another example of unique consciousness and moderation. When everyone wants to produce a sporty limo, (which simply cannot be done because of four doors, weight, size, everything), Škoda Auto puts a proper mean of transport. One look at its profile explains everything: the roof line is very long, what serves the comfort wonderfully and spoils all the bling effect. It's somewhat extreme. It does not look like a Mercedes CLS or Bentley Azure, it's not as costly as them - being considerably bigger, very comfortable and priced with a high brain usage – it's something, that's was not observed since ages.
In nowadays' world of Mansory gayness, limo-coupe crazy, metro- and retro- fuzz, it's so refreshing to know, that there's at least one reasonable group of men on Earth.
Škoda Auto doesn't pretend anything and that's absolutely, gorgeously fascinating.